I’ve recently learnt a valuable lesson when anxiety forced to me to stop and re-evaluate my life. I had got into a rut and blinkers on in many areas of my life and now after taking time to analyse along with relaxing for a while I have a whole new perceptive and a deeper sense of calm and peace.
The last 10 months have been tough trying to find my way after being given a wake up call with my health which stopped me in my tracks.
It’s made me realise exactly what is important in my life and what isn’t. It’s also made me question a lot of things and has left me at times wondering what it’s all about on occasions and the more I see properly what’s happening around us and across the World the more I feel I don’t fit in which is quite unsettling. We can’t carry on as we are abusing each other and the Planet.
Maybe we each have to create our own heaven on earth and find those with the same values?
Having had a close family member suffer depression and anxiety for many years I thought I had at least a general understanding of what people go through but I have now learnt that unless you have been through it yourself you really cannot have a clue. I’ve always classed myself as a positive, half glass full type of girl and thought anxiety wouldn’t ever affect me but that all changed a few months ago.
Its been a tough few years for us with us both dealing with cancer diagnoses and subsequent surgery and treatment and also losing a relative to the disease and seeing his decline all have had an impact and resulted in me absorbing myself in my work from home business and pushing myself incredibly hard whilst also dealing with all the usual everyday concerns of car problems and worries of family life as well as what’s happening in the World which ultimately all built up and had to escape and panic attacks and anxiety were the result.
I became very good at shutting out any negative thoughts. What I should have done is acknowledged them and then let them go.
Panic attacks appeared resulting in feeling you can’t breathe, tight chest and a general feeling of doom, especially every time I logged onto the PC, this forced me to step back and take a look at my life. It was tough waking every morning and over breathing kicked straight in so I was spending the whole day struggling not to have a panic attack, I was so glad when bedtime arrived.
Someone suggested some adult colouring which I really enjoy now and I’m learning to crochet too and allows me to focus on something while also relaxing, walks out in the Countryside also really helped.
Learning to live in the moment and being mindful rather than mind full has also had a positive impact. Learning that its OK not to be strong all the time and that that having a bad day is acceptable.
I have learnt a lot about myself over the last year, I’m still taking things slowly, still learning more about myself on a daily basis and have good and not so good days.
We must listen to the small warning signs our bodies give us which we all too often overlook or reach for the pills so we can carry on or it will manifest eventually in something that brings you to a halt. Being strong for others is also very noble but you can’t just push aside and overlook your own emotional needs as I have found out.
The journey continues.